A huge sigh of relief...

I had my 12 week appointment today. This was the appointment that my "missed miscarriage" was discovered last time, so I was super nervous. When my doctor rolled in the ultrasound machine, I braced myself for the worse...but it turns out everything is great! Our baby is measuring right on track and had a strong heartbeat. I feel a huge sense of relief and feel like I can finally allow myself to get excited. So far, we've only told my immediate family and my father-in-law. I think we're going to wait until after the 18 week ultrasound to spill the beans to everyone else. I can't believe I'm almost in my second trimester!!

Going Crazy

Last week I felt very confident and hopeful. This week I'm anxious and worried. Going by the ultrasound dates, I'm 9 weeks and 5 days today. When calculating by my last period, I'm 10 weeks and 1 day. I'm still not clear which date my doctor is using. I think she's going by my last period date since they said the ultrasound date was within seven days. Anyway, my 12-week doctor's appointment is in two weeks. That's the appointment that my "missed miscarriage" was discovered, so I'm already freaking out about it. The baby measured 8 ½ weeks, so for nearly a month, I carried on thinking everything was okay. I'm terrified of the same thing happening again, and I'm overanalyzing everything. I've had some mild queasiness on and off, but for the past two days, I haven't had any queasiness. My boobs are still sore (not to mention quite large), and I'm still hungry and tired. Hopefully I'm just one of those lucky women who doesn't get morning sickness.

I was planning to travel this weekend for a memorial, but I just cancelled because I was driving myself nuts with worry. My doctor said it was fine to fly, but I started to freak out about the possibility of having a miscarriage and being away from home. Way to think positively, huh? Now I feel horribly guilty that I'm not going. I know I made the right decision, but I'm sad that I won't be there. The timing really stinks...I wouldn't hesitate about going if I was already in my second trimester.

On a positive note, I do feel different than I did last time at this point. The biggest difference is that I felt really depressed right around 8 weeks when the baby died. I've never felt that way before and kept telling my husband I felt really off. I wrote it off as hormones and didn't worry too much about it. My only symptoms last time were food aversions, a strong sense of smell, and big boobs. I think the food aversions and strong sense of smell started to fade, but it was my first pregnancy, so I wasn't really paying attention and didn't know what to expect. I don't have that weird depressed feeling now, so I'm hoping that's a good sign.

Anyway, thanks for reading my long blabbering post and if anyone has any tips on staying sane during a pregnancy after miscarriage, I'd love to hear them!

Spotting Scare

I had a quite a scare on Thursday and Friday when I had some light brownish spotting (TMI, I know). I started to freak out and couldn't help but assume the worst. I called my doctor on Friday and she said it is very common in my stage of pregnancy and most likely nothing to worry about, but as a precaution, she wanted me to have another ultrasound. I had one done later that afternoon and was so relieved to see a strong heartbeat. The tech said our baby looked perfect. I haven't had any more spotting since Friday and hope I never do again!

I then spent the better part of my Saturday waiting in line for an H1N1 vaccine at one of the only public clinics in my city. I was very fortunate to get one as they only had 300, and everyone else (including my OB) is out of it. So...one less thing to worry about.

I'm feeling about the same symptom-wise. I still have mild nausea from time to time. It usually goes away after I eat something, so I feel like I'm eating all the time. I'm also having another bout of insomnia. I can usually fall asleep fine, but then I wake up a few hours later and I'm wide awake. Otherwise, all is well and I'm overjoyed that our little bean is growing and everything is going well so far.

Great news!

I had my first ultrasound yesterday and the tech said everything looked great! We saw and heard our little baby's heartbeat! I'm so relieved. I was so nervous before the appointment.

I am 7 weeks today. I'm feeling pretty good overall. I feel a little queasy in the mornings, but it hasn't been too bad. I'm still extremely tired and hungry all the time...and the acne is still hanging around.

I have my first appointment on Monday with the nurse practitioner. I don't think I'll have another ultrasound until my 12 week appointment with my doctor, so it will be an agonizing wait. I'm trying to stay positive, but I still feel like I can't get too excited. I hate thinking that way, but I can't help it. When the negative thoughts creep into my head, I try to remind myself that the statistics are in my favor. I am feeling much more confident now that we've seen the heartbeat...hopefully the confidence lasts!

6 weeks today!

I'm six weeks today (according to BabyCenter.com), and I'm officially a bottomless pit. I feel hungry all the time--even if I just ate. Last night I couldn't sleep because I was so hungry and had to get up and eat some crackers. I'm eating much more than I normally do, but I haven't gained a pound. I'm taking that as a good sign that something is going on down there and my body is working harder.

I've felt a little off the past couple of days. It's not quite nausea, but maybe a mild queasiness. A friend of mine said she felt like she had a hangover her entire first trimester, and that's kind of how I feel. My insomnia from last week has been replaced with a need to sleep all day and all night. Luckily, I work from home and can take naps. I don't know what I would do if I was stuck in an office all day.

I'm definitely worrying less than I was last week. I still can't let myself get too excited about this pregnancy, but I'm feeling a bit more optimistic. I'm still terrified that the baby has stopped growing. I read somewhere to take things one day at a time when you're dealing with pregnancy after miscarriage, and be thankful everyday that you're still pregnant. Unfortunately, that doesn't give me much comfort since I went on for a month last time thinking everything was going great.

In exactly one week, I'll be having my first ultrasound. I know I'm going to be a nervous wreck. Thankfully my hubby is going with me. I was pleased to find out it will be a regular ultrasound and not the "probe" type. One less thing to worry about!

So far, so good

I had two hCG tests done this week--on Monday and Wednesday and my levels more than doubled. It was somewhat reassuring....but not really. My doctor had me schedule my first ultrasound two weeks from today at the perinatal center (I will be a little over 7 weeks). I'm already freaking out about it since my "missed miscarriage" was discovered during my first ultrasound (at 12 weeks).

My symptoms so far have been that I'm breaking out like a teenager, I have mild constipation, and extreme insomnia. Nice! I really wish some morning sickness would kick in because that would be more reassuring. Last time I never got morning sickness, just weird food aversions. But I guess most women say morning sickness doesn't start until 7 or 8 weeks.

About the insomnia...it's driving me crazy. I toss and turn all night. My hubby has been sleeping in the spare room because I don't want to keep him up all night. Some nights I'm worrying about the pregnancy and some nights my mind is just spinning with random thoughts. I can't seem to relax. I had insomnia with my first pregnancy too, but not this bad. At least it's the weekend and I can sleep all day if I need to.

I'm trying to think positively and remind myself that the statistics are in my favor, but it's really hard. Help!

I'm Pregnant!

I can't believe it! I took a home pregnancy test this morning and got a positive. I'm excited, nervous, scared, and happy all at once. My due date should be in early June. I am already dreading the first ultrasound (when my "missed miscarriage" was first discovered last time). I read somewhere to just try an take it one day at a time when dealing with all of the emotions and fear of pregnancy after miscarriage...so that's what I'm going to do (probably easier said than done).

For those of you trying to conceive after miscarriage, I highly recommend the Sperm Meets Egg Plan and using OPKs. Both proved successful for me on the first try.